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I'm what feels like the only passenger on a slow-moving train. This train is going to crash. Yes it is. There's no telling when or how, but it will happen, just as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow morning. And the rather peculiar thing about this scenario is that I have no intention of getting off, and there's plenty of time. Believe me. I know what is to come. I feel it. Yet I'm still sitting, eyes half open. Half shut? No. Half open. Fingers crossed.

PS - My bike boo boo itches and I shouldn't have watched Donnie Darko. This makes me go even more insane.

Oh, Kafka

I'm starting to think that my current existential crisis is the result of over-thinking everything. Perhaps, though, it is indeed one of these crises and will simply last a lifetime. One cannot know these things until death, and by then it is too late and does not matter.

twisted sister

I enjoy twisted things, and sometimes I find humor in things that aren't really funny but just more pathetic. Situations that are pathetic. People who are pathetic. I laugh out loud in my room, all to myself. I smile. I laugh again.

laziness

Between swap meet shopping, designing my potential tattoo, and pondering getting my nipple pierced, I got nothing done today. I can be very motivated when it concerns things that interest me, but when it involves doing the hundredth case study of the year, let me tell ya...I'm just plain lazy!

flowers

Before today there weren't any flowers in particular that really caught my fancy. My great-grandmother (Nana) and grandmother's (Nani) favorite flower is the calla lily, and my mom's is the purple iris. I don't really care for either of these, which eliminates that idea for a tattoo design. Upon Googling for a couple hours to avoid writing my papers, I realized that I love red, orange, yellow, and pink flowers.


ranunculus


peace rose


dandelion (photo by my awesome friend Elbert Park)


fuschia "ballet girl" (photo by yours truly)

never look back

Never look back, only look forward. It's possible to be a bad person with someone, but a great person with another. Take a person as they are and don't try to change them. They're happy with another, and I'm happy alone. Well, not that alone. Things happen for a reason, it ended for a reason. What a necessary and perfect decision that was, 8 months and counting. And not counting. Not counting. At peace, it feels good. Here's to ending shit fests when they need to end, and figuring out the world just one step at a time.

my summer "honey-do" list

I plan on having a fun, structured summer every year and for once in my life it's going to happen. I believe I'll be working part-time this summer as my hours have almost all run out at the PUC. Looks like nannying it is. So here's a list of things I will accomplish this summer, being that I'll have much more free time.

•camp in Yosemite & hike Half Dome with my roommates Luke and Chris, their girlfriends Pamela and Kate, and my "significant other" (ie. Jenna?)

•bake two 3-tiered wedding cakes in preparation for Brooke and Matt's wedding

•sew at least 3 garments

•Your Bazaar with Montgomery

•read at least 3 books, two of which being a Kafka reader Jeramie let me borrow and Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix I swiped from an old man at Goodwill

•finish reading Manifesta, Bitch, and Sex Trafficking: The Global Market in Women and Children

•pot all plants in planters on fire escape and balcony outside my window

•decorate and compile a recipe book for all my favorite recipes and family dishes

•relax

I love the delivery man

As I was trying to be productive this morning (and by this I mean folding laundry so I wouldn't have to start writing my paper) the doorbell rang. And then some knocks. And then it rang again. Going downstairs to answer it I saw the person was still there. Good. Sometimes they leave or it's one of the neighbor's friends ringing the incorrect bell (thank you TICs). What do I find when I open the door? The delivery man holding a box, and on that box had a picture of a dress form. Not just any dress form, mind you, but MY dress form. It took me a few seconds to realize the message my eyes were sending my brain. I shouted out "YES!!" in emphatic excitement, after which we both started laughing. He said "I wish all my customers were like you. I've got two more packages, hold on." Sweet music to my ears. That could only mean one thing: my sewing machines have arrived as well!!! Sure enough, up the front steps he came carrying the two machines I purchased from the JoAnn Fabrics website.


Notice how they have a Martha Stewart stamp of approval? ;) I know what you're thinking. You're thinking "Why the hell did she buy two sewing machines?" Well set your mind at ease because no, they are not both for me. I purchased one for my mom for the following reasons:

1. My mom's been going through a lot lately, and has gone through a lot in the past, and I want to show my appreciation for all she's done for me.
2. My mom is the best mom in the universe, and for all that I've gone through, I consider her to be a significant factor in why I came out relatively sane.
3. I started working when I was 13 years old and saved money to live comfortably and buy things when I want them.
4. My mom's machine is a sporadically-working pile of shit. I recall using it and wasting about 50% of my time ripping out the stitches, re-threading the needle, and crying in frustration. One of those is untrue, partially.
5. My mom fucking rules.

I can't wait until I get to play with these new toys of mine! The timing is rather poor for my easily distracted heart for it's nearing the end of the semester and I have 5 papers to write, and most of them are about 10 pages long. Basically, I've got to stop writing in the blog and start writing in the Word. Now to revisit my paper on sex trafficking...

bus musings

A woman who smells of bubblegum is indescribably irresistible.